from http://www.math.rutgers.edu/~lenci/jokes

      Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
     Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
     because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but
     we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
     -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
    
    
     Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same
     reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered
     other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
     --Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22
    
    
     I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the
     law.
     -- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering
     accusations that  he failed to pay his taxes.
    
    
     Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of 
     your life.
     -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
     spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign
    
    
     I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
     -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
    
    
     Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
     in the country.
     -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
    
    
     The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make
     them unsafe.
     -- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia